The former hosts of KCRW’s Morning Becomes Eclectic are gathered for their weekly Sunday brunch at an upscale Westside bistro.  Schnabel, Douridas and Harcourt sit at a patio table, enjoying their meal.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

                                       (putting down his champagne glass)

This is one of the best tomato-mushroom omelets

I’ve ever tasted.

 

                                                      HARCOURT

                                       (slumped in his seat, eyes closed in pain from

                                       a nasty gin martini hangover)

Eggh.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

But I’m torn between whether this or the Black Forest

Omelet is my all-time favorite.

 

                                          DOURIDAS

                                       (leaning back and staring up at the awning)

The menu here is so eclectic.

 

Suddenly, BENTLEY runs in from the sidewalk.

 

                                                      BENTLEY

Guys, I’ve got a hot tip from underground progressive

house DJ Glass Electrode.  Crystal Beat Smack is being

held at gunpoint by a Guadalajaran drug trade posse.

 

Schnabel cocks his ear as a new song plays on the sound system.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

What an intriguing fado.  The vocalist reminds me of

that great Guatemalan timbruja singer, Felicidad Conhuevos.

 

                                                      DOURIDAS

Raul Campos first turned me on to Crystal Beat Smack. 

Loose, organic beats pulsing under a haze of vocal distortion.

 

                                                      BENTLEY

Exactly.  If we don’t move now, we’re talking the loss

of a major electronica artist.  Guys, this is a job for the

Eclectics.

 

                                                      HARCOURT

                                       (mumbles)

McCartney cover.

 

Harcourt’s slumps forward, his head falling into his plate of beans-on-toast.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

                        Guadalajara’s gorgeous this time of year.  I once spent a

                        memorable weekend there with a Latin jazz vibraphone player.

 

Douridas nonchalantly lifts Harcourt’s face out of the beans.

 

                              DOURIDAS
This café gets worse and worse.  This is three weeks in a

row some vagrant’s come in and crashed our brunch.

 

                              BENTLEY
Chris, that’s Harcourt.

 

                              DOURIDAS
Who?

 

                              BENTLEY
The Third Eclectic.

 

Douridas wipes some beans from Harcourt’s face with a napkin.

 

                                                      DOURIDAS

I didn’t sign off on him.

 

                                                      BENTLEY

You were in a haze.  Guys, we need to get moving.  Only

the Eclectics, with our combined knowledge of the musical

underground, can find Crystal Beat Smack before his

virtuoso knob-twirling fingers are sliced off by the

corredors.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

If this mission involves violence, it’s entirely against my

ethical code.  Also if it involves staying up after eleven,

fast running, excessive perspiration, feedback, so-called

indie rock, unpleasant smells or anything that requires me

to raise my voice.

 

 

 

                                                      HARCOURT

               (wiping a bean from his nose)

Live, in-studio set.

 

                                                      BENTLEY

So this is going to be like all of our other missions?

I do all the work while you guys sit here and lounge.

 

Douridas perks up, ever so slightly, spotting a woman sitting down at a nearby table.

 

                                                      DOURIDAS

It’s Canadian neo-folk chanteuse Greta.  I’m going to ask

her to autograph my postcard.

 

Schnabel sips his champagne.

 

                                                      SCHNABEL

If only Wayne Shorter were here.

 

                                                      BENTLEY

I warn you.  The next time this happens, I’m ditching you

all and starting the Electronicas!

 

Bentley stalks off as Harcourt falls out of his seat.

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