One of the major issues will be the worrisome U.S. – China tweet imbalance.

Controversy erupts over candidate who runs on a Civil War denial platform.

A major U.S. party runs the first openly stupid presidential candidate.

Romney drops out when it’s leaked his first name is short for knitting circle alias Mittenmachine.

At the League of Homeless Voters debate, Ron Paul retrieves a stolen can of beans from a vagrant.

Voters baffled when third debate of the primary season is replaced by a séance.

The Mayan god Xiuhtecuhtli will win the New Mexico Primary, surprising all the pundits.

Teenage reaction to the campaign inspires the new hit Broadway musical ‘Romneymania!’

Candidate performances at major speeches will be judged by Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell.

Leaked documents show Leonardo DiCaprio was hired to implant idea in front runner’s dreams to drop out.

Larry King comes out of retirement to run on the Know Nothing Has Beens ticket.

Two words – Guacamole fight!

If you appreciated these informative predictions, check out my science fiction parody Space Command and the Planets of Doom: