Every year the President of the Tournament of Roses must carefully sift through dozens of suggestions to come up with the annual parade theme. The decision is an agonizing one, since many thoughtful suggestions are submitted, and the choice of the parade theme will inspire the look and design of all the year’s floats. Here are just a few of the enticing themes rejected for this year’s parade after long nights of soul-searching:

You Say Potato, I Say Vodka Waiting to Happen!

Yesteryear’s Golden Undergarments

Pickle Me This!

Herman Cain on the Membrane

Pork! Pork! Pork!

New Frontiers in Gynecology

Those Amazing African Tribal Insurrections

Vital Organs: Our Inner Rainbow

Odes, Odes and More Odes!

Saw VI: The Parade

Priests on Parade


Food We Wouldn’t Eat

Dentistry Around the Globe

Locked Up Abroad: Pakistan

Just Some Old Time Ennui

A Salute to Conquistadors

A Day Without Flowers


Saluting Our Undereducated

Festival of Pundits

Make It a Double!: Alcohol Through the Ages

Cute as a Newt


Check out my ‘screamingly funny’ sci-fi parody Space Command and the Planets of Doom: http://amzn.to/atEZo9